Making Money - For Love & Money – Minimize Financial Trouble In Relationships

Dealing with money matters within relationships is much like mixing oil and water. All too often, the two simply don't mix. Whether we're talking about family members, friends or others close to us, when money concerns enter into the relationship, things often turn out badly.

This is especially true when dealing with intimate relationships such as marriage. Issues involving money are presently recognized as leading causes of divorce. (It may also be argued though, that while finances are a significant issue in many breakups, money problems are often symptoms, not necessarily the root cause, of the problems in a relationship. But that's another day and another article.)

Why is money such an issue? I think, two reasons. One, I don't know many people who aren't passionate and opinionated when it comes to money matters, and two, because as crazy as it seems, a great many individuals still fail to thoroughly discuss financial matters before they enter into close personal relationships.

You'd think that we'd be much more willing to discuss an issue that most of us have such strong feelings about, but that's not often the case. We're either too timid to discuss money, too hesitant to bring up what may be a sensitive issue or one that could possibly present some challenges (ya think?), or we're just too naïve to realize that things don't magically fall into place simply because we're in love.

Anyways, here are a few tips to help you to avoid unpleasantness in your relationships because of money:

Talk About Finances Before Jumping In – For heaven sakes, if you're contemplating spending the rest of your life with someone, don't you think it might be important for you to know more than a little bit about their financial condition? What debts are they bringing into the partnership, and just as importantly, what assets? How does this person feel about money? What are their attitudes about saving, spending, financial planning? Are they experienced in the aspects of money management? What were their parents' attitudes towards money? What examples or modeling did they have in terms of money-related habits? Does money seem to "melt away" in their possession, or do they hold onto every penny like it was the last piece of money on earth? What financial goals do they have? What other goals do you each have that may be dependent on your financial condition?

Getting the answers to these types of questions is not prying, and if the person with whom you're dealing feels that it is, then perhaps you've learned something about them already. These are all extremely important details to discuss with your partner before entering into any type of life-altering stage of a relationship, such as marriage. And if you're contemplating co-habitating with someone without benefit of marriage, it is just as important an issue, if not more so. I cannot stress this point enough. No matter how squeamish or uncomfortable you may feel about discussing finances, do this before you get involved in a situation that will be difficult, at best, to undo if things don't go well.

And just so you know, these are also important issues to discuss with friends with whom you are contemplating living, as well as roommates or family members who will be sharing the same living space.

Agree On A Plan, Work Together – Once you've gotten all of your financial cards on the table openly and honestly, then you have a good idea of what you have to work with, possible benefits and where potential pitfalls may lie. From this point, create a plan together to address how the finances will be handled. How and by whom will the bills be paid? How will you save money and for what purpose? How much will you save/spend within a given period (monthly budget)? What methods of investment will you use? What about an emergency fund?

Be Flexible, "XXXX Happens" - Okay boneheads, that's "LIFE Happens". In spite of our best efforts and planning, and whatever else anyone may tell you, life can neither be completely controlled nor predicted. Unexpected and unforeseen challenges are much of what life is about. So, when those unexpected circumstances present themselves, you need to be ready and willing to alter your financial plans to fit your current situation.

Once you have a plan in place, make certain that is isn't so rigid that you are completely discouraged from following it. Make certain that your plan leaves room for flexibility. A financial plan should be a “living” plan, meaning that it should be developed so that it is easily altered, has room for growth and can accommodate the inevitable changes that will occur in your life and financial status.

Consult With Experts – Chances are you're not a professional money manager. In order to give yourself and your partner the best chance you could possibly have to get the most benefit from your finances, consult with a professional. That doesn't mean to simply hand over your fiscal responsibilities to someone else, but rather have someone (or preferably several credible resources) that you can rely upon to help you to see your financial situation objectively, help guide you around possible pitfalls and trouble spots, and steer you on a course that allows you to manage your finances to effectively accomplish your life goals.

Money matters don't have to adversely affect your relationships. If you do the work to ensure an open and cooperative environment, especially in terms of financial matters, you place yourself and your partner in the best position to achieve financial success.